Why Do I Feel So Empty.

Empty.

It's a tough fucking word. It can kill people. I mean, why. Why would someone tell you to Fuck Off, then break up with you for no reason? I mean for fucks sake. Go fuck off yourself. You want to break my heart? Too late. Try two months ago. I've only been in the fucking hospital with pneumonia you heartless bitch.
I'm a fucking alcoholic.
Alcoholic.
Do you know what that means? It means I've become such a low person that my body is dependant on alcoholic you fucking idiot. I need it. It's like air. You know what I mean? People aren't smokoholics. They aren't nicoholics. They get a patch. They stick it on their arm. I'm ADDICTED TO ALCOHOL. It's not as easy as saying "I'll stick a little fucking patch on my arm and it'll pump alcohol into my system." Fuck you, You don't know me. You don't know how I feel. I'm an alcoholic and a drug addict and it's not funny and I'm not having a good time and my insides are black and every time I vomit up the food I can't eat but try to, little bits of my stomach come up with it because that's how fucked up my body is, yet I still try and smile and stay happy for who? For You.
And now you want to pretend like I don't care about you? That I think you're unattractive and that I'm a heartless piece of shit? Well FUCK YOU. You're the one who should be here. You are the one who should be feeling empty. I want to go get drunk. I want to go get fucked up. To fill the empty feeling inside of me because it's lacking the alcohol and the drugs that my body has now become totally dependant on and leaves me in cold sweats every night, and why? So You can sleep better. My entire life in the past few months has been about you, and making your shitty life better and you think I'm this fantastic person for doing so and you think that I'm just naturally a nice fucking person? Well I'm NOT.
I'm awful. I'm terrible. I'm a fucking villain. But what do I do? I fucking love you and try and make you see this and what do I get? a Fuck Off It's Over.

No. Fuck You. I'm Over. And I'm Going to Kill Myself.

Sing.

Why is marijuana not legal? Why is marijuana not legal? It's a natural plant that grows in the dirt. Do you know what's not natural?80 year old dudes with hard-ons. That's not natural.But we got pills for that.We're dedicating all our medical resources to keeping the old guys erect,but we're putting people in jail for something that grows in the dirt?

You know we have more prescription drugs now.Every commercial that comes on TV is a prescription drug ad.I can't watch TV for four minutes without thinking I have five serious diseases.Like: "Do you ever wake up tired in the morning?"Oh my god I have this, write this down. Whatever it is, I have it. Half the time I don't even know what the commercial is:people running in fields or flying kites or swimming in the ocean.I'm like that is the greatest disease ever. How do you get that?That disease comes with a hot chick and a puppy.

The schools now: It is all about self-esteem in the schools now.Build the kids' self-esteem, make them feel good about themselves.If everybody grows up with high self-esteem, who is going to dance in our strip clubs?What's going to happen to our porno industry?These women don't just grown on trees. It takes lots of drunk dads missing dance recitals before you decide to blow a goat on the internet for fifty bucks.And if that disappears, where does that leave me on a Friday night with my new high speed connection?

Masterminds are another word that comes up all the time.You keep hearing about these terrorists masterminds that get killed in the middle east. Terrorists masterminds.Mastermind is sort of a lofty way to describe what these guys do, don't you think?They're not masterminds."OK, you take bomb, right? And you put in your backpack. And you get on bus and you blow yourself up. Alright?""Why do I have to blow myself up? Why can't I just:""Who's the fucking mastermind here? Me or you?"

Nobody knows why were getting fatter? Look at our lifestyle.I'll sit at a drive thru. I'll sit there behind fifteen other cars instead of getting up to make the eight foot walk to the totally empty counter.Everything is mega meal, super sized. Want biggie fries, super sized, want to go large. You want to have thirty burgers for a nickel you fat mother fucker. There's room in the back. Take it!Want a 55 gallon drum of Coke with that? It's only three more cents.

Sometimes you have to suffer a little bit in your youth to motivate yourself to succeed in later life.Do you think if Bill Gates got laid in high school, do you think there'd be a Microsoft?Of course not.You got to spend a long time in your own locker with your underwear shoved up your ass before you start to think,"You'll see. I'm going to take of the world of computers! I'll show them."

We're in one of the richest countries in the world,but the minimum wage is lower than it was thirty five years ago.There are homeless people everywhere.This homeless guy asked me for money the other day.I was about to give it to him and then I thought he was going to use it on drugs or alcohol.And then I thought, that's what I'm going to use it on.Why am I judging this poor bastard.People love to judge homeless guys. Like if you give them money they're just going to waste it.Well, he lives in a box, what do you want him to do? Save it up and buy a wall unit?Take a little run to the store for a throw rug and a CD rack? He's homeless.I walked behind this guy the other day. A homeless guy asked him for money.He looks right at the homeless guy and says why don't you go get a job you bum.People always say that to homeless guys like it is so easy.This homeless guy was wearing his underwear outside his pants.Outside his pants. I'm guessing his resume isn't all up to date.I'm predicting some problems during the interview process.I'm pretty sure even McDonalds has a "underwear goes inside the pants" policy.Not that they enforce it really strictly, but technically I'm sure it is on the books

Meow

Hey. I decided that to turn over a new leaf...chapter...page...etc. in my life, that I needed to make a new blog that I can hopefully actually keep up with updating.
So, this blog is called Hole In The Wall.
The history behind the name is that of a coffee shop that my friend owns...runs...works in...whatever. It's a tiny, tiny little shop, literally a hole in the wall, just up Vulcan Lane on Queen Street. He's setting up a webcam in it later, to record his crazy day to day life, but we can talk more about that later.
So, I ...

You'll have to excuse me. There are some fucking idiots behind me I must murder.
I'll post later.

J.